I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
