Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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