I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
