I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
