my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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