You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
