I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
