I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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