bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
