We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You dont lie about slip and slides
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
