I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
