so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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