brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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