wrigley field is MILF paradise
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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