The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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