K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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