I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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