Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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