I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
