My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
