nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
