thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
