Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
