I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
