i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you had me at cake vodka
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
