your room smells of hookers.
And success
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
