That's when you crack a 10am beer
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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