You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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