yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
