I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
