sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
