wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Who died my cat blue again?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
