If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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