I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
