I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
