if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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