Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
