yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
