You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
