Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
