even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
