I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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