Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
