So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
