i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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