Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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