Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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