somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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