i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
