Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
