and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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