i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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