She went from zero to smokin in five shots
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
