the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Randomize
