Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sobbing to NWA
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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