apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
