Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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