Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she peed on how many people?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
