I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
