he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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