I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
