is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
