Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
