i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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