Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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