mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
