Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
