I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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