I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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